Please, sweet little 8 pound 6 ounce baby jesus, let my dreams come true…

Sometimes I really think that my subconscious brain is super fuckin smart and my conscious brain is touched with the stupid.

Let me ‘splain…


One day I decided to play Betty Crocker and make a nice homemade meal, like make a whole roast chicken with roasted red potatoes and brown sugar carrots… or some shit. It was delicious but entirely not the point of this story. So I also decided, whats dinner without dessert. That’s where it’s really at after all… So I decide to make apple crisp because its fall and apples and shit. I go to the store and go through the aisles picking up what i need for the crisp; apples, oats, butter, sugar…the fixins. I end up going down the ice cream aisle, all the while thinking, ‘hmmmmmm, I could go for some ice cream.’ I walk down and stare down the ice cream selection for a good minute or two and then tell myself, ‘oh no, you don’t need ice cream.’

So then I get home and start the preparations for this amazeballs dinner and let whoever was coming know an ETA on the deliciousness that would grace their mouth holes. And one guest texts me back, ‘do you want me to pick up anything? Ice cream for the apple crisp?’ To which I have a serious inner discussion with myself about the aptitude of my conscious brain. Because yes, yes I did need that ice cream. It’s like my subconscious brain sits there and is like, ‘you can do it stupid brain, i have faith in you.’ and stupid brain is all Beaky Buzzard and fails my subconscious brain entirely.

Another example;

When reading a book and I drift off into random thoughts because dumb brain has A.D.D. and cant commit to this task, smart brain is right there knowing the last sentence on the page that I actually read so that I feel like a dumb idiot for ever doubting its smarts and rereading the entire paragraph unnecessarily.

So what I’m really trying to say is that I think my mutant powers, what ever they may be, are trying to shine through but my conscious brain makes a better door then a window. Get out of here stupid brain! I want to be an X-man!


We went over this last night smart brain… dumb brain cant handle the responsibility. It just cant be trusted! Standing in my room this morning about to leave for work and I look around, I know im missing something but I cant quite put my finger on it. Keys? check. Glasses? check, Shoes? yeah, they’re there. I leave the house, get almost to my car and holy hot damn! it hits me. I forgot my change of clothes for my riding lesson later. I get it smart brain, you’re superior and smarter and I should bow down to you. But if you could stop being such an arrogant dick and tell me whats really going on before I walk down four floors it would make life so much more enjoyable for all of us.

….I’m sorry smart brain, I didn’t mean to call you an arrogant dick. I love you and I just want to be a team. There are no arrogant dicks in TEAM.

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