The beach, it can be a real bitch sometimes…

Sunday we went on an adventure, Myself, Roomsies!, Greenbeans and our friend Tour Guide Mike. Ocean City was our destination and shenanigans was our M.O. This probably would have been a better idea all around if we hadn’t gone out the night before drinking and gotten home at 2.30 and planned on leaving at 6.

So 6 happened and we were going nowhere, 7 it is! A quick stop at Wawa so I could get me a sandwich and some Gatorade and we were off. Black Keys Pandora and then a good old fashioned Disney sing a long sesh, with so much enthusiasm you couldn’t fall asleep, and we arrived at our destination. To be honest, the Disney sing a long kept everyone in the car other than Greenbeans awake, his hungover ass slept through it all.

So the whole trip was great. It would have been better if drunk Becky could remember that her mole person skin burns really easily now that she works in an office and doesn’t see sunlight all that often nowadays, but it was inevitable. Sober Becky was all over that sunscreen game, but this, of course, was prior to going into the ocean. To which my drunken self promptly forgot to reapply because I was too preoccupied with the prospect of using the bucket from my bucket drink to make sandcastles.

But to the real highlight of the trip, which was definitely not the sunburn, was when Greenbeans got shat on by a bird. Which was made better only by his extreme dislike and fear of the flying sea rats. To be fair to the seagulls, he’s not a fan of any type of fowl, flying or not. Chickens especially, which is ridiculous considering he eats chicken feet at dimsum.

But let me first tell you of my first encounter with his ornithophobia. We had gone to the gym together. As we were leaving he suggested a mosey through the Petsmart next door, because why not. So on our way over we pass under an overhang and a pigeon flys out of nowhere. Not at us, not even all that close to us, but in our area and Greenbeans sidesteps from next to me to the complete other side where he is now cowering and I can’t be anything but impressed that he could move so fast.

So move on to Sunday at the beach. We just finished getting our spot setup with the beach chairs and an umbrella and we all sit down to have a little nap nap. Everyone gets comfortable and is enjoying the sun and a seagull flys over us, the shadow comes across us before the actual bird and Greenbeans has, what seemed like, a mild seizure and let’s out a cry of anguish, thinking that the bird was coming at him. He realizes it isn’t and he’s safe and goes back about his business. I feel something wet hit my leg and for whatever reason thought that maybe he had spit on me or something for laughing at him, because that’s not entirely out of the realm of possibilities when you’re friends with Greenbeans. But then I hear a sound that can only be associated with severe disgust and that’s when I knew, that’s when I knew that the bird had exacted it’s wing-ed revenge on the poor boy, I was only an innocent bystander who got the front of the assault. Now myself, being the terrible friend that I am, got the best ab workout I think I’ve ever gotten while dying of laughter for a good 15 minutes. Picture if you will, a terrified asian boy who won’t even look at the poo on his shoulder to get it off. Mind you, it splattered all over his front but he couldn’t seem to find the spot on his shoulder, now you try not to laugh. After much persuasion we get him to go into the water to clean it off. While I admit, the water was a bit brisk, it wasn’t that bad once you go numb. That could just be the new englander in me, it’s a way of life really, when you want to swim but you live in the colder northern climate where it never really gets all that hot. You just have to jump in and accept your fate. But this little Texan goes down to the water, goes maybe 3 feet in and just sits right down. This made only more hilarious by the fact that he had an utter disregard for the multiple children that were playing right where he sat, because he was on a mission. By now I’ve gotten my self under control, until Greenbeans tries to put sunscreen on his new tattoo and, mixed with the ocean water, it started to run down his side in a most bird poo like fashion. Cue more uncontrollable laughter.

If there was anything that would make this absurd sunburn I now have worth it, it was this moment. Not only is laughing my favorite thing to do, but it combined it with my least favorite thing to do…exercise. The only other time I have experienced this combination I got weird looks from fellow gym goers and almost fell right on my face on the treadmill. This experience was much better than the first.

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