We all know what you’re doing in there…

Alright ladies of the world, if you ever have the displeasure of using a public bathroom with three bathroom stalls do not, I repeat, DO NOT use the middle stall if all others are open. This is the female equivalent of men at the urinals. While different in general as there is no way to play peekaboo behind your safety enclosure of those four walls, its still a little super weird. Its called planning ahead. While yes, 9 out of 10 times you will have the pleasure of a solitary pee, there is still that 1 out of 10 chance that someone will mosey in on you mid pee. Of all the choices you have you chose the middle stall? There is a handicripple stall right next to you, very spacious. It really lets you hunker down for those big deposits. Set up a little table with a calming colored scarf and a sandlewood or lavender candle to really make it feel like home. Or you could even choose the other stall, which is exactly the same in every way other than not having all four walls made of metal. Regardless, you made your choice and now you are peeing directly next to someone for no other reason than because you didn’t think this through.

And yes! Mystery lady of poor decisions, I did notice that you held your pee in as long as possible while I was tinkling right next door, because weird, ain’t it?! I heard you try to quietly resume your mid stream pee stop only to try again. I have no shame when I go pee in public, that’s what this place is made for. I understand that they make the room as resonant as possible and your pee driplets echo with each splash like you’re hollerin’ away in the Grand Canyon, but the faster you pee the less weird it is.

So just for future reference, don’t choose the middle stall as your go to first option. Lets set this up for an enjoyable pee-sperience for all.

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