LLLLLEEEEEEETS GEEEET REAAAAAADY TO RUUUUUUMBLE…

I cant. I just cant with today. I don’t know if its due to the interruption of my normal morning routine at work or if my patience has pulled an Elvis, but either way today may just be what it is, a heaping pile of trash. For the most part I am the type of person to just wing it, I prefer to put in just enough thought into a circumstance as to decide that I will not die and then just see how it goes. I like to think of decision making as an adventure, and as you may know, adventures are my favesies. So for someone who doesn’t like to be locked down into a rigorously set schedule of having to do things at specific times and on certain days and what have you, I do have a morning routine when I come in to work during the week. I come in, put on some Pandora and decide what musical mood i’m in today, and eat my breakfast if I haven’t already. I check my personal email and then go to Lumosity to train my brain. A couple months ago I realized that I was having trouble remembering things and thinking of words that I wanted to use, I knew the meaning or a synonym and would eventually look it up on thesaurus.com because I couldn’t take it any more. They weren’t simple words that I just couldn’t remember, they were good vocab words that normally aren’t used on a day to day basis. But I knew that I wanted that word and couldn’t for the life of me figure them out, quite a frustrating matter. So, fearing early onset alzheimers and being prodded by pandora to take the free brain test I did it and got an email with a discount for a year subscription. $50 for a year subscription or alzheimers…not a hard choice. I may be overstating both the fact that I may have early onset alzheimers and the corrective powers of Lumosity, but i get to play games and maybe not lose my thinker. Regardless of the fact that I may have a crippling mental disability creeping up on me, if I don’t go through this routine it throws off my work day.

I didn’t wake up in a bad mood, I got fairly good sleep i think. We had patients come in a half hour early, on purpose, and it don’ gon’ and messed me up. Normally I can make it work and go through the day no problem. This is what makes me think that my patience has left the building. A HUGE pet peeve of mine is when people repeat themselves or go on and on when all I need is a simple answer. It’s really effected my life, because now I just stop listening. In these scenarios its perfectly fine, when maaaaam is trying to talk to me when i’m home it doesn’t go over so well.

Let me tell you about my tipping point this morning….

We have a new patient scheduled for 8:30, he shows up at 9:45. I don’t care that hes late, I was going to let him wait and see if he could get in if he wanted to. He, on the other hand, thought it was necessary to give me his whole sob story about why hes late, of which I did not care!

Pt: I know im late, and im sorry. Its been a rough couple of days. I dont want to bore you with the details but my truck was stolen 5 days ago and I had to take a cab here and then I had to walk 3 miles to find this place…. (I have no idea where this 3 miles he walked was, but ok)

Me: mhmm *said with the most sympathetic demeanor I could muster — it wasnt that successful*

Pt: And I thought, oh this is fine, i have a motorcycle. Ill just take that. But then my motorcycle didnt work. Can you believe that?

Me: mhmm

Pt:Its pretty new, 2014 and I had to call up Harley Davidson and haul it up there to get fixed, and then I had to get a cab to take me here.

Me: mhmm

Pt: You want to hear more? *he asks incredulously*

Me: No. Here’s the paperwork, if you would like to fill it out. We can try to get you in if there is an opening if you dont mind waiting.

Pt: Oh no, that wont work. I cant do today.

Me: *crickets chirp as I stare at him* — at this point im really just not sure why this man is here, we have telephones for this sort of thing… — *hands him the clipboard with the paperwork.*

Pt: Do you have a bathroom? — I hand him the key and direct him where to go — oh, i think i can hold it until im done with the paperwork.

Me: *nods in acquiescense because I just dont care enough to muster up words*

Pt: *finishes the first page with the least amount of information filled out possible* Ok.

Me: There’s still more pages if you wouldn’t mind filling those out as well…

Pt: Cheese and crackers! *Fills out the second page and brings it back to the desk.

Me: If you wouldnt mind filling out the last 3, please.

Pt: My god, im signing my life away! i didnt have to do this many forms for my last will and testament, which I did the other day!

Me: *in my head* ….I could kill you and get it over and done with. Foot problems solved!

Now, we go back and forth with me handing him his unfinished papers back at least 2 more times.

Pt: ok, i’m going to need to go to the bathroom, I thought I could hold it but I cant. I was going through these so quickly because I have to use the bathroom that I missed so much stuff…

I just hand him the key without even looking at him…. I just. I cant. I really cant. Why would you not pee in the beginning? How have you made it this far in life?! You have the worst decision making skills I think I have ever seen.

Finally he finishes his paperwork with just enough information that I have enough to put in the system and reschedule him and he can now leave my area. By the end of this happening I have used up most of my reserves on self restraint to keep myself from flying across the desk and through the window and throwing bows like a champ….elbows, that is.

UPDATE: Another patient, that has been here multiple times before, comes to the desk. I tell him, ‘I will check you in’ while im on hold on the phone. Soon after I hang up the phone he comes back up. Fine, maybe he didnt know I was talking to him the first time. The nod we gave each other was obviously some unmeant code for ‘come back in 30 seconds for me to tell you the same thing again’. So with all the politeness I can conjure, I was scrapping the bottom of the barrel at this point, ‘I’ll check you in.’ and go back about my business. He is still standing there, staring at me with a dumb look on his face. “I’ll check you in,” I say again, just for good measure. More staring….’what does that mean?’

…..”you can have a seat.”

I. I can’t with you people…

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