Forget setting fire to the rain, my local Walmart is more plausible…

I really should start listening to Roomsies! more often…

During the move my car decided it didn’t like this whole short trip down the road and then opening and closing doors multiple times to get shit out. It died twice and Tour Guide Mike had to give me a jump. A very neighborly neighbor did it  yesterday morning, and Moni-caw-caw-caw-caw did it when I was rushing to get to Virginia after work for my rock climbing course last night. It started up just fine when I left the rock climbing gym, but was not so kind this morning. Old Lucy just wasn’t having none of that. With no other options, I trudged back up to the fourth floor and borrowed Greenbeans keys to run to Walmart. What should have been a fairly quick visit turned into a good 45 minutes of pure agony.
I double step to the back of the store to the auto section to search for my battery. Now, every Walmart I have been to has either the little computer to look up parts for your vehicle or they have the book. This location had neither. It’s seven am and there’s maybe five other people that are not employees in the store. I go to the desk at the auto center and can physically see, with my eyeballs, the book containing the knowledge I need sitting right next to the guy at the counter. I stand there and stare at him in a fairly pleasant way. Or maybe not, between having chronic resting bitch face and my displeased mood it may have come across as a very unfriendly leer…  He tells me he’ll be with me in just a moment, which I can get, you’re helping another customer and all that. But all I need is literally twenty seconds with that book and I can leave you to you’re shit. I don’t even need your assistance. I just need you to slide that book six inches in my direction. So I ask, thinking this would be no great feat.

‘I’ll be with you in just a minute, ma’am.’

You’re looking for tires! Not a battery! You don’t even need the book!! …is what id like to say, with a few choice words added in. But I hold back and nod, because as well as my internal filter may work I cannot trust it to operate accordingly at this time.
So finally I get to step up to the counter. He asks what I need. “A battery for a 2008 Buick Lucerne”

He flips open the book. Finds Buick. ‘What’s the make?’


‘And what’s the year?’

“….2008” to which I find the info not only upside down, but also faster.

Listen, I get that I’m a girl and I’m wearing scrubs and don’t look like an automobile extraordinaire and that’s fine. But it doesn’t take a brain specialist to figure this shit out. I apparently can’t get my own battery either. Whatever, just check me out so I can leave! We finally make it to the transaction part of this scenario, I pay my money and the receipt prints. He looks around for his stapler.

“I can just put that in the bag…”

‘Oh no, I got a stapler around here somewhere.’

It took all that I possessed to keep myself from launching over the counter to grab it from his hand.

‘Do you need help carrying that?’

“No.” and I grab it off the counter and peace out dis bitch, because ain’t no body got time for that.

I get back to the apartment and haul the battery from one end of the parking lot to the other, where my car is. I learned this weekend that my battery is actually under the back seat of my car, better hope it doesn’t explode when someone is back there…or at all really, I guess. As you can imagine, this makes it difficult to jump my car, especially when there are cars on either side that are not assisting. So I get back and give Greenbeans his keys back so he can not be late to work, i’m already an hour late, no reason to make him late to. I changed my own battery because contrary to Mr Walmart’s beliefs, I do know a thing or two about these new fangled space ships. I spent the better half of four years in an autobody, sorry, Automotive Collision Repair and Refinishing, shop and I can handle my own shit. I even have my own tool box in the trunk. So suck it Mr WalmartAutoServiceCenterEmployeeMan!

And this is why I should listen to Roomsies! more often, because she suggested going last night and I said “no, itll be fine”… you know, like a dumb idiot.

UPDATE: The free Chipotle I got for lunch makes up entirely for the nonsense of this morning.

3 thoughts on “Forget setting fire to the rain, my local Walmart is more plausible…

  1. I am disappointed that my effort to assist in tracking down the correct battery was not included. Oh yeah, and I was late for work too! Still love you though!!!! 🙂


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