Before Greenbeans and I moved in together we decided that we would start doing P90X together since we would be in the same place and could motivate each other. We also had grand ideas about eating healthier and precooking lunches for the week so we could have real food for lunch, and making smoothies in the morning and yada yada… but lets be real here, we have barely unpacked any of our shit. Granted Greenbeans room is put together, mine on the other hand looks like a war zone. This is an unfortunate side effect of a busy life and coming home late most days due to riding or the new hobby, rock climbing. We decided that we would start straight out the gate the Monday we moved in. Well, here we are a week later and just starting. There was no way in hell that my poor exhausted body was doing anything at six o’clock in the morning the day after moving for 26 hours, except learning how to rock climb, because that happened and it was a little dicey. We also didn’t have the DVD’s until last night, Greenbeans is borrowing them from the people he nannies for and i’m pretty positive he “forgot” to grab it until yesterday. So the whole first week of living together we did the exact opposite of what we said we were going to do because instead of power cooking for the week we raided 7-11 of its unhealthiest merchandise and the next day bought a gallon of cookies n’ cream ice cream, two boxes of ice cream cones…they were on sale okay!, and a box of those knock off Drumstick ice cream cones. After coming home from work Sunday night I told Greenbeans that we had to do this because I want abs and my birthday is just under two months away and we’re going to VA Beach for the weekend. Well, he didnt grab the P90X from work and he found something on YouTube that was kind of like it but not really. Needless to say, it didnt happen Monday morning. I set my alarm an hour earlier to allow for showering time before work, so 6:30 roles around and my alarm goes off and I shut it off and lay in bed thinking to myself, ‘I already hate my life so much more…’ and then continue to lay there, waiting for Greenbeans to knock on my door because hes supposed to be motivating me. Fifteen minutes pass and I don’t even hear him moving around not even his alarm going off or anything. So I reset my alarm for 7:30 and pass the fuuuuck out until I have to get up. Turns out Greenbeans did the same thing I did and waited for me to get up and get his ass out of bed…. We make such a great team…
I went rock climbing last night after work so I fell slightly more accomplished because I made that 5’6″ on the baby wall my bitch! I really need to work on my arm strength, obviously, because I did fall into the Annapolis Harbor two days prior. And to be fair, Greenbeans did go to the gym last night, so we aren’t completely hopeless I guess. Before bed Greenbeans comes into my room and tries to barter for a later start time. The plan was 5:30, an hour before I normally get up for work so that I have time to shower and not be rushing out the door. He wanted 6, we settled on 5:45.
5:45 comes a lot sooner than you think, my alarm goes off and I start perusing Facebook and immediately berate my self and make my ass get out of bed. I tap on Greenbeans door on my way to the toilet. On the way back to my room I knock. I change into work out clothes and he still isn’t up, so I jiggle the handle on his door. The big ol dummy locked it last night, probably a subconscious thing, thinking that a silly door would stop me from waking his ass up. I wont go back to sleep two days in a row! …It makes me grumpy. We get out to the living room, pop the DVD in and realize that for the first workout, synergy some shit, we need a chin up bar…pass. We should really invest in the things we need for this before starting, but fuck it. We also quickly realized why the person we are borrowing it from quit before it was finished, because its P90X3, just skipped right over 1 and 2… If I don’t get abs three times as fast i’m calling up Tony Whatshisugly and I will have words.
In light of all of this we agree to proceed, we’re up, might as well. The ‘Things Needed’ screen pops up and it says; towel, something else, weights.
Greenbeans: Ohp! We dont have weights! Back to bed!
Me: No! we are doing this! That bitch has a basketball! *looking around the room* we could use candles…
We settle on using Gatorade bottles full of water because that’s whats closest to hand and I was already going to use mine to hydrate anyway. We find another empty one and I fill it up and we’re off. Off like the ghetto ass exercisers we are…
Here’s the basic rundown of the next 30 minutes;
– 30 minutes –
Me: I hate my life already….
– 25 Minutes –
Me: Wow, our downstairs neighbors are going to hate us…
– 20 Minutes –
Me: GODDAMNIT! We’re only 10 minutes in!!
Greenbeans: This makes me have to fart…
Greenbeans: oh god! that one stinks! Go away! walk away!
To which we had to stop the tape because I was dying of laughter and he was dying from the noxious fumes emanating from his ass.
– 15 Minutes –
Me: What the balls! we’re only half way done…
– 10 Minutes –
Greenbeans has now dropped out of the last 10-15 seconds of each exercise. I’ve almost tripped on the couch and fallen on to it at least thirteen times.
– 5 Minutes –
Me: double time my ass! you don’t know me, you don’t tell me what to do!
– Done –
So basically what we learned was that the next 90 days, if it lasts that long, are going to suck a bag of dicks and also that our living room is not equipped for such activities.
….maybe if we built bunk bed couches we’d have so much more room for activities.*
*Lego Movie and Step Brothers reference in one! SCORE!!