Keep those elevator eyes to yourself sir…

I hate sharing elevators in the morning, or ever, really. Not because I have a problem with being near people, but I really just don’t want to participate in unnecessary conversations that will last no more than like forty five seconds. That and that good ol’ theme park training kicks in and I feel the need to tell everyone who gets off the elevator to have a nice day. Which, I don’t mind because its a nice gesture and I think people can be super douche canoes and need to be nicer to people in general. Now, this wont stop me from holding the elevator for people, but if there’s an elevator going up with people already inside I will definitely just hit the button and wait for the next one. We have 5 of them, might as well put them to use, right? Today was one of those mornings where I got stuck being the first one on the elevator and then three more people get on after me. It just seems tactless to get off once you realize that now we have to make 3 more stops and the weird dude giving off some real creeper vibes is riding this bitch all the way to the floor before yours…. Normally it’s fine and I only have to share my elevator for a floor. Not today!! Nope, creeper dude goes all the way up to 7 and I get off at 8. The other two ladies got off at 2 and 4 so that was and awkward three floors. The guy looks at me, chilling in my corner staring at the buttons, and asks, ‘is it your dress down day?’ I nod in response. ‘That’s a cool dress down outfit.’ At this I look at him and give him my best ‘ooooooh, you’re touched with the special, aren’t you?’ nod and wait for the doors to open to his floor. But let me clarify here, Wednesdays are our administrative day so I don’t have to wear my scrubs and can wear what I choose, within reason of course. I clean stalls at the barn after I leave here so I just wear my barn clothes to the office because it would be super unnecessary to change twice for five hours of work that I see Moni-caw-caw-caw-caw, the mail man, UPS guy, and just maybe the FedEx guy. Let me tell you how much i’m not going to do an outfit change for that… So i’m wearing my barn jeans, which are not nice and slightly too big because I have to add layers in the winter. A sportsbra and tanktop, and my chucks. If by ‘Cool’ you are referring to the temperature in which my body will be kept due to a lack of sleeves, then yes. Yes it is cool. That was the deciding factor in my choice this morning when I took in to account the manual labor I would be participating in ninety degree weather later. But I would have to disagree with you sir if you are referring to the colloquial slang term in which you think I look like one swell dame, because this bitch rolled out of bed and embraced her day and left the house looking like the hot mess that stands before you right now.

As this is not the first time I have been complimented on my appearance on a Wednesday I assume I should just take this as a compliment to my natural beauty or some other self empowering symbolism. So I will take the compliment with no shame, even if it does leave me perplexed, because if I could and it were socially acceptable I would not have even put pants on this morning when I left the house. But the fact that you made a point to point out, in an inadvertent but nice way, that I am capable of joining the general public on this day of zero fucks given is good enough for me. So keep keepin on you little bucket of sketch elevator guy!

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