This is how horror movies start…

So the reason I endured that six hour, three hundred and five mile, trek to back home after working at the office and then cleaning stalls at the barn and having a riding lesson on the dinosaur otherwise known as Toby, is because my besticle Stevini had himself a fight…. in Massachusetts… so another two hours away in a car…. If that isn’t some kind of friendship I don’t know what is… And yes, the drive was pretty freakin terrible. It was all that I had dreaded and loathed before even leaving. At one point on the Jersey Turnpike it went down to one lane, I didn’t think that was legal, because it should definitely not be. But it’s always nice to be home, it’s a nice change of pace from my normal everyday down here in MD. Porch chillin is the way to go…

This whole scenario was pretty much one giant clusterfuck from the beginning. Me being in the poor house and not getting paid until the day I drive up made it pretty difficult to book the hotel, so we didn’t get a room at the Holiday Inn where the fights were being held because dudes are slackers and I had to remind Tobias like eight times to get on that shit and even gave him the phone number to call and everything. We didn’t have a set place to stay until about a week before, my mother was none to happy that we were potentially going to be sleeping in the car on the side of the road. Im not sure why we’d be on the side of the road somewhere when there is a perfectly good parking lot at the venue to sleep in, but you never really know with this group. So instead of the car we just booked a room in a seedy motel, sorry motor inn, a few miles from the fight. We didn’t realize the amount of shade this place was throwing until I went to look up the check in time on their website, and to be honest i’m really more impressed that they even had a website at all. But upon my search I not only didn’t find what I was looking for, but found out that we could request a round bed and an in room personal jacuzzi surrounded by mirrors. There was no check in time because i’m fairly certain you can rent the rooms by the hour. So really, Tobias probably looked like straight pimpin’ walking in to the office with two attractive ladies. You’re welcome Tobias, you’re welcome.

So Saturday morning I text Tobias to see what time we are leaving to head up to MA. We were planning on getting there around three, he says we were aiming for two. Its a two hour drive at least, this kid didnt even look that shit up. I knew this because two fights ago I drove myself and our other friend Matt up there. So one o’clock it is. And then he shows up late anyway… We picked up Urikah (like Erica, but spelt phonetically to the way I pronounce it) and went on our merry way.

It was like driving with any stereotypical white bitch on her way to the beach….

And then we pull in to our humble lodgings parking lot to which Tobias looks at us and says, ‘is this really where we are staying?’

Yes bitch, because we are on an adventure! And what kind of adventure doesnt include at least a little bit of possible death by coal miner ghost that haunts the town every valentines day. Lucky for us its July! So we park by the office and there are people sitting outside their room a few doors down. I can only assume they live there because no other room has chairs outside the door. They were giving us the stank eye pretty good, judgmental bitches… Tobias and Urikah didn’t appreciate my boisterous reply to this fact they so kindly pointed out to me. Bitch! I survived the Baltimore riots, Massachusetts ain’t got nothin’ on me!

Our room is on the other side of the building, the side where people get murdered… Everyone looks like a suspect, especially the tall bald dude creepin past the window. I would not die in this shady motor inn, even if I had to use the block of wood used as the security device for the window as a weapon!

So yeah, totally a good time. We didn’t get our own jacooze, which was a little saddening but also not because would I really want to get in there anyway?

The people next door had one though, I wanted to go ask if we could party with them but then realized that that’s how the killers get you!

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