I cant tell if i’m still drunk or if you just can’t speak english…

Listen, I don’t like getting drunk. It isn’t fun for me. I don’t like not having control over myself and not remembering things. Sufficiently buzzed is where I like to be, imbibe in enough so that I feel it but can still function like a respectable part of society… or close enough anyway. We, Greenbeans, Roomsies! and her new beau, and myself, went out in DC to say peace out to Greenbeans gay marching band friend that is moving to Texas today. Saying that myself and Greenbeans are just like Will and Grace is a bit of a stretch. The only real similarities we have with them are the fact that we now live together and I have red hair. If anything we are a bit of a mix of both in our own respective ways. But one things is for sure, if we are Will and Grace that makes Steven our Jack. We told him as much last night and he was very excited to hear that. We are still on the look out for a Karen, one day we might find her. I’ve only hung out with the kid twice, this being the second, but i’m still entirely upset that he is leaving. Its not everyday that you find someone who clicks in your group so well and so quickly. Greenbeans said he wasn’t going to cry but when they went in for their hug I started yelling ‘CRY! CRY! CRY!’ …he cried, they both did. It was a touching gay moment… But Steven will be missed until we see him again, those jello shots he bought and the whiskey with a splash of ginger drinks he got for free would not be… It was shirtless night, if you took off your shirt you got free drinks at the bar. Let me tell you, there were a lot of shirtless gay men, and a lot of them were very hairy…

 We left there and went in to Adams Morgan for our friend Erise’s birthday. After many exclamations of ‘I need to pee!’ which Tom did not appreciate, we started power walking to the bar from the parking garage, and then turned around in the actual direction of the bar because we started going the wrong way. Went to the bar, peed, Greenbeans got a drink before I was even done peeing and then tried to force me to help him drink his nasty ass appletini so we could leave and go to another bar until everyone else got there. We didn’t get far because i’m a fat kid and there was a Jumbo Slice two doors down. And man, when they say Jumbo slice they are not kidding. Two paper plates to hold that sombitch, and it was delicious and I ate half of Tom and Roomsies! slice also. We go back in to the bar after meeting up with everyone else outside and I turn around for a second and then back and Greenbeans has acquired a new satchel.

I hope he gave it back, he took someones phone home one time…

I only got about four hours of sleep before leaving for work and when my alarm went off I was tempted to go back to sleep but knew I wouldn’t wake back up because I didn’t hit snooze. So instead I got up and got a bowl of cereal and watched some Power Puff girls. I was thirsty when I woke up and the only other thing besides milk in my fridge to drink is beer and some classy box wine. So I chugged some milk, which on its own isn’t a great idea, but mixed with alcohol stomach it became an even worse idea. I got half way through my bowl of cereal and got bored with it so I stopped eating it and i’m pretty positive I left it on my bed this morning. Driving to work was a bit of a struggle. I got downstairs and remembered I wore my sunglasses in to the house yesterday, and you can sure as shit bet your ass that I didn’t walk back up six flights of stairs for that shit. I just drove to work partially blind the entire time. I got in to work and my brain was all sorts of unhappy and my eyeballs felt all floaty, so I chugged some water and napped that bitch out for fifteen minutes at my desk and bingbangboom I’m all good. Until the lady who speaks no english comes in to the office for her appointment and hour and a half early with out someone to translate for her. This was too much for my hungover brain to handle…

Im fairly certain I also broke my lamp last night. Not the whole thing, but I knocked it over and now it doesnt turn on and I dont know if we have extra lightbulbs. I may just live in the dark until i muster up the energy to go to walmart or the dollar store or some shit. Whats ridiculous is that I didnt drink that much. Three whiskey gingers, tiny ones, and two jello shots. I dont know what happened, i think Greenbeans roofied me… that sick sonofabitch!

But really we all know how any night out drinking ends….alcohol poops.

2 thoughts on “I cant tell if i’m still drunk or if you just can’t speak english…

  1. Please tell me you didn’t participate in shirtless night to get free drinks at the bar! I would not be happy: 😦


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