Not a whole lot of blog worthy things are happening in my life the past week. Even if they did, I’d be too busy to write it all out any way. So here’s the basic highlights of my life that put together could maybe be called a post.
I’m farmsitting. It’s like a have a whole new life where I have to take care of all these animals and a whole house, except I still have to do all the other shit I normally do because I haven’t switched lives with anyone. I just said, ‘hey, let me see how much time I can make myself not have for the next two weeks…’ So far I’m doing pretty good with not having any time, and it’s only been a day and a half. But I get a whe house to myself AND a pool, so I’ll take it.
I went to Safeway at lunch today because I didn’t bring any food to sustain me for the next 2 weeks and I also didn’t have any food for lunch. The lady working the deli was a keeper for sure. The amount of enthusiasm she was lacking in life was pretty spectacular. I thought the only thing with a lack of personality so breathtaking was a limp noodle, but alas as I live and breath I have found the human equivalent. Being a receptionist at a foot doctor NOR being an usher at an amusement park are my life’s career goals, but I lay that charm on so thick to patients and guests sometimes that I want to punch myself in the face. Take my own fist and smash it right into my brain bucket…
So I bought some FiggyNewts, or upon further look seeing at the wrapper, just ‘newtons’. And upon opening these tasty little bug guts cookies I noticed a white powdery substance on the bottom of one. Logic would say it’s just something left over from the baking process. I say it’s one of two things; crack cocaine or anthrax. I’m pretty sure I just became an unsuspecting drug mule (the fact that by ingesting the cookie there will no longer be drugs to mule has done nothing to dissuade me. But if I get mugged later for my FiggyNewts we will all know why) or a threat to national security (the fact that I ingested anthrax and am not even anywhere remotely near a government building has also done nothing to dissuade me). Im honestly hoping it is neither because I already ate like half the cookie at this point. I guess we’ll find out if I start tripping balls or die an anthraxey death.
In other news, I started my thirty day Teami detox. Chief told me about it, she started it a couple weeks ago. My ass has been dragging lately and it’s supposed to give you a boost of energy and clean you out. I started it this morning, I hear by day two it starts to do its shit. Tomorrow I do my first colon cleanse of the next thirty days. I’ll be sure to keep everyone updated on my upcoming fecal phenomena… But it’s tea you drink in the morning, it’s pretty delicious, and the colon cleanse tea you drink before bed every two days so you can shit your brains out before having to go to work. The stories I’ve heard from the people who have already started it makes me unenthusiastic to go to work at an amusement park for eight hours the next day… Hopefully my bowels will evacuate completely before noon Saturday… Here’s to hoping.