….get it? because its tea that makes you poop?!!
I dont care if you technically steep tea and not brew it. ‘There’s a shit storm a steepin.’ just sounds like a whole bunch of stupid.
I started my 30 day detox, teatox if you will, with Teami. Chief told me about it, she found it on pinterest, and she started it and she likes it. You drink the teami skinny first thing in the morning for thirty days and the teami colon every other day before bed so you can poo your brains out before having to be a fully functioning adult during the day. This seemed like a pretty ideal plan all around. I normally drink tea everyday as is and if I can drink this and get a boost of energy to pick up my dragging ass everyday then hot damn! Im in!. The downside to all of this is the colon cleanse every other day. This I have heard unpleasant things about. In the long run it’ll do amazing things, im sure. But during this whole experience I imagine it will complete shit. Literally. Since you are supposed to drink the tea before bed it makes you wake up during the night to go explode your butt in the toilet as it destroys your colon in all the right ways.
….there’s no turning back now.
I started this journey on Thursday morning so being the second day yesterday I took the plunge in to health. Good health starts in the colon apparently. Now, im not the healthiest of eaters most days…any days… So the thought of something going through my body to expel all the bad shit inside is a trifle daunting as there isnt a whole lot of good things that I put in there to begin with. Being poor is a struggle to be healthy, real food costs a whole lot more than I can afford to pay.
I finished my long day of office work, barn work, and then farm sitting work yesterday, took a dip in the pool (because showers are overrated when you have a pool) and brewed me a nice cup of Hurricane Teami, because I anticipated it would do to my colon what Hurricane Katrina did to Louisiana. Total annihilation. In my mind this is how I pictured this whole experience going down.
Picture if you will, that scene from Avengers: Age of Ultron. The one where Hulk goes cray cray and Tony Stark has to break out the hulk buster suit. For the remainder of this post I will refer to my colon as The Hulk and Teami Colon as the hulk buster. …does that make me Tony Stark? Im going to go with yes! Look at this, dreams are coming true, all because of Teami! So I, Tony Stark, broke out Veronica because The Hulk went on an crazy rampage, of the unhealthy sorts, because Scarlet Witch, a.k.a. junk food, played mind tricks on it. Now just imagine that fight and this is what I think is going to happen inside my body later in the night.
Turns out this was a big let down, because I totally woke up at five am this morning, but not because I had to wreck the bathroom, but because the cat was doing so to its bathroom in an unnecessarily noisy manner. I even got up to try to poo just in case my body didnt know that this was whats supposed to happen. Now Im a bit terrified to go to work at an amuzement park for eight hours today in case this is all a delayed reaction and Veronica decided to take out the Hulk with extreme prejudice sometime between noon and eight thirty tonight. Which I can only imagine will happen because I’ve eaten Chipotle the last two days and if anything that should only have propelled my colon into bowel evacuation mode all that much sooner. I’ll be sure to keep you all updated on the status of my digestive system.