So I’ve taken the colon tea twice now, tonight will be number three. So far I have had a pretty dull experience. Which I don’t hate by any means, because I’d prefer my booty hole doesn’t get ruined if I really had the choice. Saturday at work I was complaining about how it didn’t do diddly squat. My little Cammirammichingchong (or Cammirams for short) was all sorts of distraught over my bowel malfunctions. I assured him I would keep him updated through snappys.
Sunday night I take it again. I use the smallest cup setting on the Keurig, ain’t nobody got time to boil their own water, and then let it steep for probably ten minutes because I forgot about it. If you follow the directions on the bag it says to steep for 1-3 minutes. If this doesn’t hulk busticate my colon apart I don’t know what will… I chug the tea and go to bed. At 6:20 I wake up with the poo pains, only ten minutes before my alarm was set anyway. I get up, mosey on to the pots and still don’t poop. I’m still farm sitting so I say fuck it and go to take care of animals instead.
As an impatient person if there is one thing I don’t have time for it’s pooping. I get super bored super quick and end up saying fuck it and peacing out that bitch until it’s a power poop. You know, like when you hold it until you have to have to poo so people don’t know that you pooped, they just think you did a number one. The ones you save for dinner parties and when you have guests over.
Basically. I got to work at 9 and didn’t feel the need to poop until 9:30. Everyone else says they’re done pooping by this time because they started at four am. I’m starting to think I either misplaced my colon or it is one tough motherfucker, a strong independent black woman if you will. She don’t need yo help! This also causes great concern that my booty hole may in fact implode one of these days and I will just turn in to a black hole, like a dying star. All because my colon is just as stubborn as my brain… But screw you colon tea! I am a bright shiney star and you won’t take me down!!
But I can assure you that when I did finally poo I snappied Cammirams. I can’t tell who was more excited, him or me…