A dolphin almost ruined my birthday beach day, but Jack Daniels would never let me down…

So I had a pretty spectacular 24th birthday weekend, its one for the record books for sure, made so by the people I spent it with.

We ventured our way down to VA beach to spend some quality time with Brittney, our long lost #4. So at nine o’clock we all piled in to the car and you can go back one more post to see what happened by the end of Friday night.

Saturday morning, we got up and went to breakfast at the best place ever, Cracker Barrel! They have such fun things to look at, it does such great things for those of us with short attention spans. All and all a pretty quiet breakfast, I wish I got a picture of the one server who was all that much closer to jesus because her hair got her there. One might say her hair was touching jesus with all that volume. She was a classy broad, that one. Im not a big breakfast person, so I like places where I can get dinner all day, like that one time at Denny’s when I got a milkshake and a steak at ten o’clock in the morning. Last time I knew they served everything all day, but just to make sure I asked and the guy told me that they didn’t have stuff for lunch set up. So then I got the breakfast burger and gave Greenbeans the egg that was on top. The guy said to me that he wasn’t sure if they had that ready but he’d check. …bitch! its on your breakfast specials!

So after all that hot mess, we went back to Brittneys to change and got to the beach, the real excitement of the day. We stopped at the Skymart down the road and as we pulled up to the gas pump the manager at the garage came up to us to let us know just how god awful her breaks really were. So we all agreed that we didn’t want to die on the way to the beach and an hour wasn’t that long to wait. That and there was a bingo hall within walking distance… Unfortunately it was too expensive that none of us really wanted to waste $25 on a book of bingo cards so we left. I think that if we stayed I could have finagled my way in to being the caller, and if nothing else I could have at least played bingo with my velociraptor hands. So we left and we hung out at the garage and waited there instead…with velociraptor hands.

And then we were off to the beach and it was all a good time until they kept kicking us out of the water because a dolphin got mauled by a propeller because the big ol’ dummy tried to touch the butt and now there’s a rando flipper just a floating in the ocean. In my head I picture it as a perfectly severed flipper, when in reality its probably all mangled and looks like seaweed so some unsuspecting kids will throw it at each other when it eventually floats in to shore. Unless it gets eaten by a shark first, which would probably eat those hypothetical kids as well and then it’d really turn in to a party. After going down the beach a ways, past the beach police trying to get the dolphin to beach itself with absolutely no results, we went out for a swim. Turns out the beach doesnt get any deeper for like ever, so I could touch the bottom the entire time. Roomsies! and I were out floating and/or treading water for a bit and when we started to go back in to hang out on the beach I passed this guy who thought it was necessary to talk to me. The conversation went as follows:

Guy: did you have a board? *referring to the boogie boards everyone else had*


Guy: oh wow!

Me: yeah, nope. Just floating…

Guy: oh, i must be really bad at floating then

Me: …..ok

End conversation.

And apparently, Roomsies! was telling me, he kept mimicking the way I was swimming, whether I was treading water or floating or swimming. And APPARENTLY, Greenbeans told me, he kept giving him dirty looks when he came out to hang out in the water with Roomsies! and myself. I sure can find ’em!’

We were only at the beach for maybe four hours, of pure dolphin caused disappointment!, before we all as a whole decided that we wanted food and a nap. We went back the house and waited like a couple of stoop kids for the pizza guy, who thought he knew us because when he came up to give us our pizza he was all surprised and said, incredulously, “You only got one pizza for all of you?” ….bitch! you don’t know me! You don’t know my struggle! And then we stayed awake long enough before we went upstairs and napped that shit out until it was time to get up to get ready to go out for the nights shenanigans. And then we all woke up at the same time. And this my friends, is when you know you’ve found the people you are meant to be with.

After waking up and getting ready to leave we all get in to Brittney’s newly breaked car and head on out for some whiskey and shenanigans. I also dubbed Brittney Juan Pablo, our new driver, because im so unused to sitting in the back seat that it felt weird and right all at the same time. I don’t know if she appreciated the new name or the fact that I told her to get in the car so we could get going, followed by ‘ondalay, ondalay, areeba areeba Juan Pablo!’ but she didn’t say anything, probably because it was my birthday and that’s why I love her.

I don’t know how many of you have ever been to a country bar, but the people inside doing line dances get it, like put their heart and souls in to every step. Its impressive and a little ridiculous all at the same time…

You will also notice that the first ones to get on the mechanical bull are the dirty trashy looking ho’s. To each their own, no hate. Probably some judgement, but you do you boo. But to make a long story short, mainly because I don’t remember all of it, down went 5 or 6, i lost count, Jack and Gingers, two Jaeger shots, a shot of Jack chilled, and a jello shot in a syringe later and Becky and Brittney are dancing on the stage… And to be completely honest, it wouldn’t have taken me that much to get up there anyway, but Brittney did it and Im so proud of her! You get it Juan Pablo!

But needless to say we Uber’d it home and I puked in the bushes…

Such a good night, and I don’t even remember his name…

4 thoughts on “A dolphin almost ruined my birthday beach day, but Jack Daniels would never let me down…

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