I can show you the world…

So many good things happened yesterday. I left work early, already a good start, and went to LensCrafters to get me a brandy new pair of eyeballs. My last pair of glasses have served me well enough for the past three years or so, and they have the scratches to prove it. I think they were actually making my eyesight worse because my poor eyeballs were trying to focus on shit through all the scratches. They were the least expensive frames I could find, because I was and still am entirely too poor to afford such luxuries in life, like being able to read road signs and scope out hot dudes across the way. 

For my birthday I asked for two things, a new pair of glasses and movie theatre gift cards. #priorities  I didn’t get any gift cards, but that’s fine because I don’t even have time to go see any. But having the best MomsieSalamsies in the world, as I do, she bought me a new pair of spectcles.  I think more so out of the desire for me to not die a fiery car crash related death when I cut off three lanes of people to make it to an exit that I couldn’t read until I was right on it with my sad excuse for far away vision. Regardless of her motives, it could also be because I’m her favorite daughter, she said go get glasses and I’ll give you the money. So I went and got glasses and she’s giving me money. 

I showed up early, working in a doctors office you tend to try not to be the shitty patient, filled out my paperwork and waited a hot minute before being taken back to do the preliminary eyeball tests. We’ve finally made it to the twenty first century with this shit because now we have 3D eyeball testing. They give you some 3D glasses and you have to let them know which circle pops where and all that. Imma be honest with you, this could be old hat, but I haven’t been to the eye doctor since right after I fell off a horse and landed on my brain bucket. But at least at my first visit they warned me before they shot me in the eyes with a mini air cannon, like five times! Not one, “get ready” “brace yourself” or “prepare thine self” not a damn thing, not even a “I’m about to shoot you in the eye”. Just a “put you chin in the cup and forehead against the bar and BAM! Air cannon to the eye! Rude. Just rude. 

The rest of it was fine, my eyeballs are healthy and still located inside my eye holes with no immediate threat of them falling out, I know this because I asked. I also learned that my left eye is a major slacker because when I switched the stick guy from the left to the right I went from ‘well this is difficult but I can see a giant E atleast’ to ‘holy mother of Jesus, how have I made it this far in life with this eyeball?!’ But for what all of that my eyes are healthy if not a little more worse for wear. 

As I was picking out frames I started to question how everytime I do shit like this I come alone and have to make these kind of comitments alone. I chose five pairs that I liked and sent them on to round two, checking the prices. Automatically three pairs went out the window because I’m cheap and can’t in good conscience let someone else pay for something that I know I wouldn’t pay for myself. I ended up picking the Ray Bans because they were awesome and now I don’t want to take them off my face because now I can see everything and they look fuckin awesome! 

I’ve already pinched my finger in the new case three times already, that sucker’ll getchya!


…I should model glasses. 

And then I mosyed around Party City, A.C. Moore, 5 below and Michaels for a good hour and a half because I had time to kill before the going to the barn to shovel shit. It’s a glamorous life, I know. I ended up buying some glow in the dark face paint for my foray into painting awesome shit on faces, that’s a whole nother post in itself. I was very proud of myself for all the self control that went in to not buying the whole store. 

The second good thing that happened yesterday was that I found my Teami! I thought I had lost it between the house sitting house, my apartment, and VA beach. Turns out it fell out of my bag when I drove to the apartment to go on my birthday adventure. I was so happy when I saw it, it’s been a good week and a half since I last took it and you can sure as shit know that I didn’t take the colon cleanse tea if I wasn’t at least going to get something enjoyable out of the other tea. Colon cleanse recommences this evening…

Thirdly! I got my new cheese grater stirrup pads for my saddle yesterday. Let me tell you, those suckers keep your foot in one place. That shit doesn’t move! Nin-yah bought them for my birthday with her last order from Schneiders and after getting my glasses I stopped by her house to pick them up. I walked up to the back door to the kitchen and literally as I put my foot through the door she doesn’t skip a beat and offers me dinner immediately. She’s such a mom… Which is entirely ok with me because that means I got to eat dinner last night. I ended up being there for a hot minute chatting with her, as you do, and had to remind her of my original reason for the visit as she was handing me a gladware container of dinner to bring with me back to the barn to give to chief. And then I used them when I rode last night and I love them. 

All and all yesterday was a fantastic day and I still don’t want to take my glasses off my face! I can read the little ticker tape guy at the bottom of the TV screen in the office from my chair, everything is so much clearer now! It’s like a whole new world, all shining shimmering and splendid. …but not glaring, because I got the anti glare shit put on dem bitches. 

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