Peanutbutter and jelly never tasted so salty…

You know you’ve reached that certain level of poor when all you eat is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because there’s no other food in your house. I’ve reached this level many a times in my past five years of living in Maryland, away from family and all that. And really there’s nothing wrong with it, there’s plenty of people who have far less than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And I know what you’re thinking, “but Becky, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are delicious!” To which I reply, “bitch! I know!” They are delicious. And just because I made a peanut butter and jelly this morning, which now counts as a legitimate breakfast because it was on toast, does not mean that it will make me unhappy to eat my double decker PBJ that I packed for lunch. 

I didn’t, however, enjoy the snarky way our neighbor said, “got your peanut butter and jelly?” this morning when our paths crossed on our way out the door. Yes, you salty bitch, I do! And I have no regrets. Don’t hate me because we have fun and you have children and maybe sometimes we make ‘zombie attacking cat singing Memories’ videos *coming soon to a blog near you!* at one o’clock in the morning on a Thursday and we might be making loud zombie noises. But that is still no reason for you to get salty with me at seven o’clock in the morning. That was a week ago, you should be over it by now me thinks. 

I’m sure she’s really a nice lady, but the two times I’ve ever had the pleasure of her company she’s been fairly unpleasant. Not that that’s really saying much. The first time it was 2 am and we were moving our couch in to the apartment, and for all that we were being pretty quiet. She walked past us trying to maneuver our couch through the door way, after carrying it up six flights of stairs, and says, “there’s kids in this apartment.” 

…thank you, disgruntled new neighbor. I wish I could say that there was one last fuck saved up in my back pocket to give. But alas, my reserve has been depleted yet again and all I’ve got is some gravy in me pocket.  

So really she could be a nice lady, and I’d like to believe that she is. It just so happens that we tend to meet at times of the day that both of us would rather be asleep in bed. That still doesn’t change the fact that if you get salty with me again I won’t hesitate to go carawhack on your ass…

I was pleasant regardless of the time of day, mainly because I’m used to being that way when really I’d like to tell everyone to shut their talkie hole while at work, but pleasant non the less!

So I’m going to enjoy my double helping of PBJs today and your negativity can suck my butt! 

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