I hate the cold. I fucking hate it. Which is pretty ridiculous considering I spent the first eighteen years of my life growing up in Connecticut, where its kind of always cold. Moving to Maryland wasn’t really a planned life adventure, but that’s what happens when you decide to get married at eighteen to a dude in the military, more on that later. Long story short, its a terrible idea to get married that young, people change far too much between that age and the age that people should actually think about marriage.
But back to the cold. I still hate it, but Maryland is only some hundred miles away but its so much more my speed in the temperature department. So I stayed here instead of moving back home where life would be a bit easier, but much less of an adventure. Like today, today was a nice balmy 95* when I left work at the office to go clean up horse shit at the barn. I walked outside and it felt amazing, my fingers and toes began to thaw out immediately and my happiness levels sky rocketed.
I’m tired of being cold. I know what you’re thinking, ‘you just said it was 95* when you left work today, that’s not cold you dumb idiot!’. To which I respond with, ‘i know you dumb idiot.’ I wasn’t talking about the outside world. I was referring to every other place that I frequent. The office, always freezing in the front office. Whoever the re re was that designed the duct system in the office decided that the middle of the office, my office, was the only place that cold air should come from and the heat should come from the perimeter of the office in the back rooms. Dr Boss Lady runs hot so she likes it subarctic in the office and Moni-caw-caw-caw-caw is moving around all day between rooms that it doesn’t bother her in the slightest. But then there’s poor little me at my desk with my sweatshirt zipped all the way up, sitting on my hands to regain feeling so I can type shit on my computer. …all in the middle of summer. I’ve called the building manager, the poor guy, plenty of times to get him to turn the air down, and i’ve not called way more times when Dr Boss Lady starts to warm up and says to call and turn the air up. …because she never notices that it doesn’t change.
My apartment, I live with two people who enjoy a cold home. I would be entirely too happy to leave my window open all summer and just leave a fan on to take off the edge. But alas, my window is closed and i’m sleeping with flannel sheets in July. It wasn’t bad in the old apartment because I could close the vent in my room so at least I wouldn’t freeze in my sleep. But no, in the new apartment some Ahole decided that that option was a terrible idea. So now, in my tiny little room that only allows for my bed to be in maybe two different places, both of which are right under the one vent in the room. Now I just freeze, all the damn time… I cant even have the air conditioning on in my car without the window open because even on the lowest setting its too cold. Im an August baby, I was born in the heat, I’m like the Bane of temperatures.
This is why I love house sitting. I get an entire house to myself and I get to set the thermostat to whatever temperature I desire. I even save people money on their energy bill! Look at me being a good samaritan. So really i’m like Batman and Bane all rolled in to one, I’M UNSTOPPABLE!!! …unless cold temperatures are utilized, in which case I will be entirely useless as I cuddle with a thermos of hot beverage in my flannel sheets with my feety pajamas and a fun hat.
So basically, I should just start a house sitting business because, i don’t want to brag or anything but, i’m pretty spectacular at it. Just ask Dr Boss Lady about that one time I saved her finished basement from flooding when the subpump busticated and the torrential downpours just kept on a going with all its rainy fury. Handled that shit like a pro!