Girl, the back of yo head is ruhdicolous…

I can’t even begin to explain the amazingness that was Wednesday-Saturday. Which is why there will be multiple posts about it because there is no possible way to make it all in one post, probably not even one post per day because there was that much epicness to four days. But let’s start at the beginning…

There’s no better way to start a friends weekend than with a slight concussion…

Let me ‘splain.

After a long and painful wait all day wednesday, these hooligans show up around 9:30. They get out the car and hike up the 6 flights of stairs to the apartment. Inside, at their request, is a shot waiting for them, even though these ass holes started drinking at 3 when they left Connecticut. Celebratory “it only took you ass holes six years to come visit” shots down and off we go to the bar down the road. We, Roomsies!, Greenbeans and I, have said we were going to go check this place out before and have yet to go. What a better time to do it then right now! We gather up the new comers and hustle on over to the bar. There is no good reason for me to run ever, but when there is a Stevini Keeyar in Maryland you play an impromptu game of not quite leap frog because nobody actually jumped over each other we just ran past each other and stopped and the next person ran past. This quickly transformed in to a game of tag and there goes Stevini, in to the bushes. And who can pass up a quick roll down the big hill on the way? No one, that’s who!

Upon arrival to the bar two shoes had been stolen and runned away with, thats right, i said runned, and then an impromptu grappling match happened in the parking lot. I don’t think that this bar was quite ready for the group that barged in without warning, but this guy Terp was all sorts of ready to buy a round of shots. Jager for everyone! This one guy, who we quickly started referring to as Ray, came in all familiar like with a nice generalized ‘Hey’ to the bar and was quickly blown back by a collective and rather loud, ‘AYYYYYYY’ in return from our little group that had commandeered the end corner of the bar.

 

…these fuckin guys!

Imma be honest with you here, I don’t remember a whole lot of the rest of that night without help from snapchat. What I do remember is chanting ‘Motorboat! Motorboat! Motorboat!’ as Matt proceeded to motorboat the pair of fake boobies attached to a plaque on the side of the bar. There was a point in time, that I didn’t remember before watching my snapchat story, when I was tickling Matt’s beard and repeating, ‘chin puuuubes, chiiiin puuuupes, chin pubes’. So deciding to leave the bar at some time or another later, and I really don’t remember any of this. What i’m told, is that Stevini really likes to lay down in the middle of parking lots for no fuckin reason… What I really didn’t know was that this dumb idiot also likes to grab on to peoples ankles when they walk by. And furthermore, I learned that I have the worst survival instincts in the world and when he grabbed on to my ankle my arms shot down to my side and down I went, this being the time that the back of my head said a very warm and committed hello to the biffed up pavement of the parking lot. Everything after the ankle grab had to be retold to me as I was not only drunk but also mildly concussed. Apparently I just laid there with my arms straight at my side going, ‘my heaaad hurrrrts’. And then I was up and on a mission for my bed.

The picture no one remembers taking…

  
Stevini, feeling bad about causing said concussion was now intently following me back to the apartment very concerned. I can’t remember what he said on this speedy walk home, but I do know that he was repeating himself quite often asking if I was ‘ok’ and that I needed to ‘slow down’ I get up to the apartment and B-line to my bed. In any normal friendship people would try to keep the concussed person awake, As I’ve been told they did actually try but I hit that bed and was out like a light. Stevini, the besticle he is, sat with me for 15 minutes and the only response he got was a grunt at the most. But it’s ok, because he at least brought me a bag of frozen broccoli for my brain bucket. From what I remember he put it on my noggin and I woke up and touched my head, was a little taken aback by the now frozen spot and when reassured it was just a bag of broccoli I said, ‘alright’ and passed back out, only to find the bag gone when I woke up the next morning and a giant knot on the back of my noggin. Also, the other side of my bed was empty and people had slept on couches, chairs, and the ground even after we had had a discussion that someone could share the best…

Turns out this weekend served to make me entirely aware that my reflexes are absolute shit some days. Not only did I not save my poor brain from smashing into the inside of my skull when it slammed against the pavement, but I also didn’t save my milkshake when it flipped over and dumped Nutella deliciousness all up in my cars cup holders. I can’t tell which I’m more upset about, but either way it’s just not good. It’s a miracle ive made it this far in life apparently…
6 hours into this reunion and someone was already concussed… Which is fine, because the only rule set was that nobody could die. You could get arrested, but no dying. We managed to successfully do neither of these. SUCCESS!

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