I smell a presidency coming on…

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I should be president…

All these candidates are worried about war and ISIS and our fiscal downfall as a country, when really if everyone just stopped for a second to smell the roses and see the important facts right in front of them I think that, as a whole, this country would be better off. 

Example 1:

I’m pretty positive that if people took a moment to really see how things that are so different are basically just the same thing we could take care of this whole discrimination thing. Everybody is so concerned with how others are different from them and using it to fuel their hate that they don’t see the similarities. Just because mini wheats and people’s junk don’t look the same, or even have the same life functions doesn’t mean that they aren’t both the equivalent of a terrible life choice for your head. Really, the business sides work together here. Mini wheats aid in digestion and help to keep you’re booty hole on the regs. And who doesn’t love a party. Why can’t we all just get along. If breakfast cereal and the human anatomy can, then so can we!
Example 2:  


Some things in life are hiding right in plain sight. Take a step back and see the simplest of things in life, people! While I enjoy me some graham crackers, especially when they bracket the delicious middle made of pure sugar and chocolate. But that doesn’t mean I don’t see them for what they really are, sugared up cardboard. And don’t for a second think that I don’t see their outstanding qualities. They will fill you up quicker and longer, once you grind them to a pulp with your chompers their dusty makeup will suck up all that beverage you have to drink just to wash them down without choking, and they create a sort of ballast against hunger. You can build small buildings with them, that could double as a food source. All great qualities, but I know what you are, graham crackers, and I love you just the same.

Example 3:

Zero tolerance. You fuck up, you pay the price. I know she may look feeble and frail, but she knows what she’s doing. I see you lady, and I will take you down… 


America has chosen and they have chosen correctly!

…and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you order a pizza White House style. 

I said no mushrooms!

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