Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like mine…dontcha?…

It’s no secret that I’ve been in a committed relationship for some time now. I can’t express the joy that bae brings to my life. I still get butterflies in my stomach and my palms get sweaty when I see bae coming towards me from across a crowded room. I feel so full of energy and life when bae’s around, everything else in life seems to fade away because I only have eyes for them. I’m not a clingy type of girl, but when bae hasn’t been around in awhile I start to get filled with some kind of internal rage and need. If you mess with or get between me and my bae, ill rip your spine out of your nose… I don’t know what it is about bae, but I just can’t keep away.

In other news… its not the gym. The gym may in fact be my worst enemy. I rarely ever feel energized and good about myself after I leave that place of fiery hell. Probably because I usually end up breaking myself in one way or another and cant walk the next day, and not in a fulfilled and energized sort of way. More like I tripped on the treadmill and busted my ass kind of way. So naturally I visit the gym almost never. Shoveling shit and riding horses is about all I got in me these days and considering the fact that I sit on my ass for long periods of time during my day at work and drug reps like to bring me unhealthy food it’s a surprise that I don’t weigh a billion fofillion momillion pounds by now. But I appreciate their gifts because food is in fact bae. It never lets me down and I never hate myself when its around. …except after eating McDonalds, that self loathing usually lasts for at least a week. But Big Macs…

I had gone to the gym that day and actually did work out for a hot minute. The self loathing and pain followed shortly after, and my lower back was in constant pain for the next five days. But everything was made better because I went home and who was there waiting for me with an easy open top flap? Bae.

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Bae even spent the night. What a way to wake up in the morning…

Is there a better a road trip partner?

And you never have to compromise on music because that’s just how caring and gracious bae is…

…always full of surprises.

Even after a long day of adventuring with Greenbeans to discover some dinosaurs and then to the zoo, bae is always down to Netflix and chill.

Always leaving you satisfied and fulfilled…

Between you and me, I wrecked Bae that day. In the best possible way…

…no seriously, I ate that entire bundt cake thing from KFC by myself and then took a nap. Im fairly positive my inner child is obese. Like that’s my version of Dorian Gray’s picture. All my fat just transfers to my inner child. Im pretty sure it can’t even walk any more, just rolls around like Violet Beauregarde after she eats Willy Wonka’s special three course meal gum. Watch out for hills and stairs, things start to get dicey. Things in motion and all that…

 

On a completely related and important side note…

I abhor the use of the word ‘bae’ and hate myself for the excess of use in this post, even in terms of joking. But food really is my Before Anything Else, because obviously. But can we all, as a culture, please put an end to this fad. Please. For the love of all things good and holy, just stop.

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