One potato, two potato, three potato, turnip…

Oh my sugar blossoms!!!! It has been three whole years with this special little turnip…and what a special little turnip he is.

I’ll be honest with you, I don’t think I’ve seen the kid in well over a week and i’m pretty sure the last time we hung out he was sick and I wouldn’t go to the store to get him orange juice and made him do it himself. To be fair, I did offer him an actual orange, which I already had, and is probably more nutritious than the juice anyway…

But we’re like an old married couple, we fight and don’t speak to each other for a week and then everything is all fine and dandy. And don’t forget how we don’t have sex, marriage, it’ll do that to you…

Either way, this is the best relationship I’ve ever had. It’s not an affair if you’re both doing it, right?

But I digress…

Let me take you on a little tour of our last three years of marriage.

Remember that one time at the cast housing Halloween party?… neither does he, er, she? (S)he turns to me in the car on the way home and asks, ‘is there anyone behind us?’ No. ‘Ok, good’ and then throws his recently torn off fake nails out the window. ‘Whoops!’

Our first Ugly Sweater Party…

After our first Ugly Sweater Party… Sometimes I can’t tell if he’s a gay man or a lesbian.

3 a.m. McDonalds runs where we get hella free food and Greenbeans raped a national symbol…

I don’t know what I did so wrong for Jeebus to punish me with this little so and so, but I guess I can pull through a couple decades or so of this shit.

…you can’t take him anywhere. He finger bangs the nacho cheese at baseball games!

To be fair though, Roomsies! is giving it some kind of special treatment also…

Damn kids.

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