Exciting news!! I’m not going to be homeless when I move to Pennsylvania next month. I don’t think you understand how likely this prospect was. But I got the confirmation today, I was approved and I will have my own studio apartment all to my onesies starting May 31st. And a month free of rent to boot!
In light of this joyous news, I will enlighten you on a not so joyous occasion when I went to look at an apartment the day I went to the school for their open house. I had every intention to write about this previously, but that didn’t happen and this seems as good a time as any.
Last month I ventured up to the great wide yonder… Pennsylvania. I wet up for the open house for the Tom Savini SFX Makeup program that I will, if they ever receive my transcripts from my high school, be attending next month. After I was done with all that I decided to make my trip useful and look at an apartment while I was there. I called up one of the prospects that I had found closer to the school and headed over to look at one of the apartments. A nice little one bedroom for $395. Super cheap, which is great because I’m poor and don’t have a job lined up there yet. I got to the leasing office, they sat me down in the conference room to fill out some paperwork and one of the leasing ladies came in to talk with me. This twat waffle came in all pretentious thinking she knew shit and obviously didn’t want to discuss this with me thinking I was a poor and unreliable tenant. Poor I may be, but bitch don’t know me! She don’t know my struggles!! I even looked nice that day, not like a heeba hobba at all. During our discussion she was quite apparently unwilling to not be a canoe of douche and kept saying things with extreme skepticism about getting a co-signer and affordability. Surprisingly she took me to see the apartment anyway, I was fairly convinced she wasn’t going to. On the way out she starts asking me about if I have established credit, to which I reply, ‘yes’ and go on to explain about how I pay my car payment, credit card, and existing rent in Maryland, all on time. We go to our respective vehicles and drive over to the prospective apartment and what do you know, I get out of my Buick and this bitch is alllll about the niceties. Somewhere between the leasing office and the apartment, not half a mile up the road, she seemed to unbunch her twisted panties and was nothing but the utmost in cordiality.
I understand that as a leasing agent for a company you must use your discretion with all new potential residents. But bitch was straight trippin’ and that’s why I would not put in an application in their ever ever. Like ever. I’m not sure what this bitch thought she was selling, but it was under four hundred bucks and to be honest, kind of a shit hole.
But my new place, I have never seen and can be as shitty of a shit hole as the other for more money, but it’s going to be my shitty shit hole and at least the leasing people weren’t the most outrageous of cuntasaurous’, cuntasauri(?), cuntasaurouses(?), whatever… to be seen.
I shared my joyous news with my mother after I got the call and she just goes on about how I don’t have a job up their yet and how I still have to find forty grand to pay for school and moving and every other possible thing to stress out about instead of joining me in celebration. …and that’s why I won’t tell her any good news ever again. She done went and ruined it for herself.
Of course I will still include her in my acceptance speech for when I win awards for all of my amazing makeup work on movies and tv, but she won’t know about it until afterwards when she watches me get the award. Rude!
I still love her, she is quite possibly the best mother ever, and if you try to dispute that I will cut off your fingers and jam them in your eyeball sockets, but what the fuck, Ma?