I had a dream…

I normally have some pretty fantastic dreams. There was the one where there was a giant alligator terrorizing my hometown and my high school gym teacher was meditating on a lily pad in the pond across the street from the house I grew up in, and like a life prophet she had the obvious answers, “We’ll have to go see you’re grandfather, he’s got the shotgun…” Or the time that I captured a bear and put a saddle on it but then it climbed up a tree and I couldn’t get it down. You know, all worthy of a Golden Globe or some shit.

Well recently I’ve had two dreams that I can only hope will turn into a full blown series of brain movies. I would turn these into screenplays and hawk them in Hollywood and make a lot of money and never not eat dinner again! …but I’m pretty sure it would be considered some sort of plagiarism or thievery because they are loosely based on already made movies.

On a side, but completely related, note, I don’t like watching scary movies. Not because they actually scare me, I usually end up watching them and making fun of the terrible life choices of the characters and all their flaws. The kicker here is that three weeks later, out of nowhere, I have a nightmare based on the movie. Not that that is necessarily scary either, but it inconveniently wakes me up at night and what with my intermittent insomnia attacks, I don’t appreciate the unnecessary interruptions to my sleepy sleeps.

But back to my dreams! I have never seen the original “IT” movie. I haven’t even seen the new “IT” movie. It seems as though just the commercials were enough to weed their way into my subconscious. I’m not even in this dream, is that even a thing? Whatever, back to the story. So from what I can remember, the dream starts off all horror movie-y. Lots of killing and what not. Pennywise was there, snatching up all the children and whatnot. Then it escalates to when the main character has to confront the guy and he’s all, ‘do you want to play a game?‘. Wrong movie, I know, but my dreams don’t play by your rules and it does what it wants. So then the main chick basically just asks what his deal is. She goes, “Why are you the way that you are?” Which is something I ask myself often in real life when dealing with the real life clowns that I have to deal with at work. I can’t remember what exactly his story was, and if I could trade one of my souls away to remember, believe me I would. The basic gist of his story though, was that something happened to his buddy all those years ago and that somehow made him into a scary clown that steals children? I don’t know, I remember it making WAY more sense in the dream. But throughout his story telling he started to transform into a normal(ish) human again. I’m sure there was a hug in there at the end, but I woke up and I’ve lost all recollection of the intricacies

As great as that dream turned out, I was only too happy to have another one along the same lines. This one was my version of “Freddy vs. Jason”, which I have seen. I even owned it on VHS, I don’t remember how I ended up with it but it did. In this version it was the same basic outline, minus the cornfields and boiler rooms, and this time I WAS in the dream. It was all; run, run, run, stabby, stab, stab, murder, murder, murder, but when Jason came to stabby, stab, stab me I asked him if he just wanted to hang out instead. And wouldn’t you know it! We became besties and when Freddy came a calling I had back up. I never made it to the big end fight of the movie because, again, I woke up.

What I ultimately learned from these dreams is that, if you’re nice to people they probably wont kill you…

I can’t guarantee these results, so I would use your own discretion if you are ever caught in a situation like this, but maybe it’ll work and you’ll also help a guy out with his emotional issues and he’ll stop trying to murder people.

…just a thought.

Maybe if someone asked Irma and Harvey what their deal was maybe they would have been a little less temperamental. Moana knew who Te ka really was, maybe if someone just listened it would have turned out the same way.

I can only hope that my dreams turn into a full fledged series of the same intense horror movie beginning that ends happily(enough). …and that in the very near future they create some sort of machine that will record my dreams so I can re watch them and share them with you all because they are all PURE GOLD.

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