It takes a lot to kill a ginger’s soul…

So I decided to do a 45 day transformation challenge for kickboxing. It’s been going pretty well so far. I’ve been to the gym at least 4 times a week, which is better than the maybe once a week subpar effort I was putting in before… I pay a decent amount of money for this so for as poor as I am I should really probably make the most of it. But alas! I am very lazy. The extra incentive of winning $20,000 really seems to put some extra pep in my step. 

So I’m a part of this Facebook group for the competitors to share their experiences, roadblocks, and recipes, and such. It’s a lot of pictures of meal prep and everyone’s ambitions. I’ve just shared my struggle with wanting to shove food in my face every second of my day. 

I have to commend these other people who are really committed and have gone on different types of meal plans; keto, paleo, pretty much anything that requires more effort than I have in me to do. I went into this challenge with a plan to cut out fast food, taking out a good amount of dairy products (yogurt seems to be the only thing left), and eating healthy food in general. That paired with not eating entire pints of ice cream in one sitting multiple times a week and not buy entire pies or cakes and eating them by myself should do something… right?

So I think I started this challenge on September 15th. Let me tell you what, if you feel like you’ve gained weight and want to it to really sink in, have someone take a picture of you from the front, side and back… you’ll really show off all your new back rolls and belly pooches. 

And I want to clarify, I do not think I am super fat or really feel terrible about my body. It just looks like I’ve eaten a lot of crap lately, which I undoubtedly have, and that I’m not so much a fan of… For being a pretty active person my whole life, I’ve always been thin, but sitting on my ass for eight hours every day and dominos giving me free unhealthy food two days every week sure has not helped. 

But to the real point of this story. I have seen some change to my body with the more activity and less shitty food and for the most part haven’t had that hard of a time not eating ice cream or cake or pie on the regular. But yesterday and today I’ve been having chest pains. I don’t know what the deal is. Maybe I’m having a really drawn out heart attack. Maybe I have stage fourteen death cancer. Maybe it’s indigestion. Maybe it’s just a pulled muscle from doing the best push-ups my spindly little arms can manage (spoiler alert! They are not that great) All I know is that I went to kickboxing and had no problem, no feeling of discomfort or impending death. I should also point out that I’ve had the worst hankering for chocolate cake for like 4 days now and I was going to treat myself to the lava crunch cake from dominos on Saturday. I can’t even tell you how much I was looking forward to those delicious little bastards… 

Side note: it’s always acceptable to ‘treat yo self’ if you are not paying the cash monies for it. 

Long story short: I ordered them. They gave me a pizza. I was devastated. I told my self it would be fine, I’ll just get the cupcakes from the vending machine. No cupcakes. More devastation. Settle on the chocolate frosted donuts. Still devastated because they taste like the most disappointing disappointment ever.  

I guess my soul just couldn’t take so much devastation because it started to die. And i am CONVINCED! that’s what the problem was, because I went to the store and bought chocolate cake and after eating half of it I am pain free and feeling fine. 

Case in point: being healthy and fit means nothing if it also murders your soul and stomps out your happiness… 

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