Don’t go peeing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to…

I have been peeing an obscene amount of times today…

I think it’s my prostate…

And I know, ladies don’t have prostates! But it’s not because I’ve been hydrating, I can assure you of that…

I think it’s some kind of new lady prostate, because when you have dude prostate issues you don’t actually pee buckets every hour and a half, you just feel the need, the need for pee… and then nothing.

It’s like I’ve been peeing waterfalls every other hour on the hour. Like when you hold your pee for a really long time and then when you finally get to pee and it takes an eternity for it to all get out… but without holding it.

Let’s check out Web MD for a learn-ed doctors opinion…

Number one… low potassium.

False. I just ate a banana this morning.

Number two… Type 1 diabeetus.

I’m going to cancel this one out because it said “loosing weight without trying” and I’ve done nothing but get fat since I moved back to CT…

Number three… diabeetus, type 2.

Erectile dysfunction was one of the main symptoms, I can assure you my lady boner is as erect as ever the second you show me Chris Evan’s face… SCHAAA WINNNNG

It also said blurry vision, but far away things are always blurry, and I can’t tell if close up things are really blurry or if it’s just the giant scratches on my glasses because I can’t have nice things…

Number four… diabeetus supercalifragilisticketoacidosis.

We’ve already dismissed the first two based on my lack of one or two symptoms out of the many. I will NOT let the third time be the charm!

Number five… hyperthyroidism.

Hyperthyroid symptoms include weight loss, anxiety, insomnia, heat intolerance, rapid heartbeat, mood swings, shakiness, trouble concentrating, frequent bowel movements, insomnia, tiredness, double vision, and an enlarged thyroid gland, called a goiter.

Considering I have functioned with 7 of these symptoms every time I PMS I will have to shut down this possibility also…

I like that they included insomnia twice and then added tiredness, as if you could have the one without the other…

Number six… excessive caffeine use.

I rarely drink caffeinated beverages. The only reason I’m drinking a Pepsi right now is because someone was excessively flopping all over the bed like a landed fish last night and kept jolting me out of sleep thinking CT was having a succession of earthquakes rating at least 7.5 on the Richter scale, and if I didn’t drink it I’d most definitely be asleep at my desk.

I think it’s safe to say the only thing I believe about WebMD is that if it were a real doctor they’d be up to their little doctor nipples in malpractice law suits.

Don’t suggest Supraventricular Tachycardia to me and not even include the one symptom I’m complaining about anywhere in your reasoning! Stop trying to throw big words at me to try to intimidate me! I was a stand in foot doctor that one time that Dr Boss Lady went on vacation! …even though she asked me not to.

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